


Buried

by trekkiepirate



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: Angst, Gen, I am so sorry, Infant Death, dying in childbirth, mentions A Life In A Day 'verse, mentions of stillbirth, precious precious Fen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-27 06:43:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13875351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trekkiepirate/pseuds/trekkiepirate
Summary: Fen gets the five stages of grief somewhat out of order. Eliot tells her something from a lifetime shared with Quentin.





	Buried

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize for this angst. It made me cry too. Trigger warnings for stillbirth and childbirth death.

Fen gets the five stages of grief somewhat out of order. Denial comes first, of course. Her muttering ‘oh no’ over and over is going to haunt Eliot for a long, long time.

But the depression kicks in next, with her going to knife-sharpening as a mode of comfort which is understandable, if vaguely worrying. They talk and she cries and cries and cries.

Eliot lets her, he’s grieving in his own way. With the life he leads, he never actually expected to have children or even want them. But as Fen’s belly grew, whenever he wasn’t utterly panicked by the idea, Eliot found himself looking forward to it. A little. Maybe, just maybe, he could finally leave his past behind him and become a better father, a better man, than his own dad ever was.

He’s still holding her tightly, planning the things he’s going to ask Todd to introduce her to while she chills on Earth, when she abruptly sits up and pushes him away.

“You don’t need to stay,” she growls at him. “I know you don’t want to be here with me. You never want to be with me. You’re not even sad. Our child died and you aren’t even crying.”

“I don’t cry easy,” Eliot says, “it doesn’t mean I’m not sad.”

Fen smiles at him but it’s worlds away from her usual bright beaming. It’s sharp and cold like the knives she wields. “You don’t have to pretend to care for my benefit. You can’t be expected to know how I’m feeling right now.”

She returns to the knife-sharpening, her back to him; a clear dismissal.

“I…,” Eliot blinks up at the ceiling. No one knows this, except Q of course. “I’ve lost a child before. Not the way you did, obviously, so you’re right, there’s a lot about this that I can’t understand from your point of view but…” He stares at his hands. “I…Q and I kinda wandered into an alternate timeline where we lived out our whole lives. Literally in my case, I died.”

Fen stops sharpening, but she doesn’t look at him.

Eliot takes a deep breath. “Quentin had a wife. Arielle. They had a son, Rupert. I helped deliver him because the midwife wasn’t there in time. I didn’t even know it was possible to love anyone as much as I loved that kid. And…when Arielle said they were going to have another, a girl, I think I might have even been more excited than Quentin. Because this was a world where things weren’t fucked up. Where no fairy bitch was going to steal her away.” Eliot rushed through this next bit. “But something went wrong during labor and she died. Arielle and their daughter both died. Rupert was only just five and Q was inconsolable. I had to learn to take my own grief and bury it. Bury it down deep because all of a sudden I had inherited someone’s husband and son and there wasn’t anyone else to take care of them.”

Fen turns then, her anger visibly drained away.

“So I buried it, just like we buried them. I don’t think we actually worked on the quest for ages. I became a full on house husband. I had to step up and I did, because I’d lost one child but I would be fucking damned if I’d let a single thing happen to Rupert. So I kept the kid fed and taught him to read. I took care of Quentin until he could do it for himself again. And then when my boys would fall asleep, I would go to the grave and cry until I was actually sick. It took a literal decade until Quentin and I could even properly talk about it. He said…”

Eliot felt another lifetime’s worth of grief stuck in his chest. “Q said he and Arielle were going to name the baby Ellie. After me.”

“Eliot,” Fen said, a hand reaching out for him.

He took it and pulled her close. “Don’t think for a second that I’m not heartbroken that our daughter is dead because I am. But I know how to push past it and get things done because we have got to make the fairies pay for every single fucked up thing they’ve done to us. And they will, I promise you that, Fen.”

Fen curled into Eliot’s side. “I can’t be here,” she breathed into the silence that fell.

“You go back to Earth,” Eliot kissed her forehead. “You go eat more pizza and see more shows in the square of time. But tell Todd to take you to Hamilton or something, not fucking Cats. Try sushi and alcohol and have some fun, Fen. Find some happiness. You deserve it.”

The next morning Fen was gone, back to Earth. She left the knife and a note. “Destroy them. For her.”


End file.
